What is Happening to Me?

When I ask this question I don't mean it in a derogatory way.  I'm not mutating into an X Man (although that would be cool).  When I ask that question I ask it because my attitude seems to be changing.  My reactions to recent events in my life have led me to this conclusion.

On Saturday, June 23 a fire broke out in Colorado Springs.  It was started in the Garden of the Gods which is just about two miles from my brother's house.  Currently, he is in Afghanistan but Daniel and Lindsey are living there.  I was obviously very concerned and have been watching closely over the last several days.  Not only because of them but because I have friends there as well. 

As the fire progressed I remembered what kind of an appreciation and, yes, love, I had for the area.  Certainly I enjoyed the area.  The physical aspects of it.  However, unlike Upper Michigan my main focus was relationships.  I chose to spend time with people.  I did enjoy the outdoors but I don't think I gave it a chance.  It was always a compare/contrast which in hindsight wasn't fair.  There was some amazing beauty and I wish I could've seen more of it. 

That was an unexpected flashback to my time in Colorado Springs.  Fast forward to present day.  I saw the land I loved start to burn.  I couldn't look away.  Every day I'd get home from work and go straight to the Internet and see the live feed.  What was happening?  Where was it at?  What was it doing?  It was as if a friend was in the hospital.  Do you have to be there?  Not really.  Are you going to leave.  Not on your life.  Of course it wasn't to that extreme, but I was paying close attention.  At one point one of the reporters was standing in a spot I rode my bike through every day for a year and it was at night which is when I would ride.  He was remarking at how weird it was to see all the lights the same color.  For me it was as if I was riding home from work.  That was my Colorado Springs and sadly it was burning.  It still is.  But hope springs eternal and God is in control.  I have a new appreciation for Colorado Springs and it is a part of me.  I just didn't realize that the land was as much a part of me as the people were.  It gives me a new appreciation for how the Indians must have felt.

On Wednesday night my niece Emmy stopped breathing and they rushed her to the hospital.  She was going to stay in for 24 hours but ha another incident and is still there.  As I sit here digesting all of this (as I have been since Saturday) I have come close to tears many times.  Yes.  I admit it.  I know that it is nothing to be ashamed of.  What I am starting to realize (I think) is a) the fragility of life b) how scary  the unknown can be and c) what it's like to be a leader.